A brief review of tonight’s episode of Monday Night Raw:
John Cena threatened to beat up Paul Heyman “at halftime, in about 80-90 minutes”. Since he did so at the start of a three hour show, audiences assumed he meant “around 9:30”. It turns out he literally meant “half time”, as in the football game on the other channel.
Since WWE can not predict when Monday Night Football’s halftime would be, the entire show is being rewritten on the fly, resulting in utter incoherence and a complete collapse of structure for any storyline besides Cena/Lesnar. For instance, Seth Rollins gave a promo where he said the following
Roman Reigns will be punching me until his knuckles bleed. But his knuckles will be bleeding….because he’s a neanderthal. He drags his knuckles on the ground, like this”
[Rollins hops around like a chimp]
"Ook ook ook ook"“Roman Reigns is part Gorilla, part Samoan, and part…..uh…..Rhinoceros. You know, the Rhinoceros is the strongest animal in the animal kingdom! But they’re not very smart. And I believe in brains over brawns.
This is not normal bad writing. This is someone making up a monologue on the spot in one take because the show had to be rewritten while it was on the air, realizing he was saying something stupid, and being unable to escape it.
Reigns then beat Rollins clean in a few minutes, which is supposedly going to make me want to see them fight again at the next PPV this Sunday. The main event was two mid-carders arguing over Vladimir Putin (!!!!!!!)
If you ever want proof of the important of planning your stories in advance, go find this Raw and watch what happens when you’re rewriting things as you go.
Also, Cameron, who has been a professional wrestler/reality TV star for years, tried to pin someone who was lying on her stomach, in the worst fuck-up since guest referee Eva Marie proved incapable of counting to three a few months back (reducing the commentary to literal sputtering incoherence).
How the fuck is the internet-only developmental show so good, when the main TV show is so, so bad?